My eldest aunt passed away recently.
One Friday, I was notified by my mother about her condition suddenly changed at the hospital where she had been treated for her choking incident and the subsequent pneumonia.
She was recovering but she choked herself again when she had a tiny piece of bread that she liked.
The young doctor who resuscitated her said to us that he was very sorry for the incident when we spoke to him later.
We didn’t blame anyone at the hospital, as it was the aunt’s will that wanted to eat bread.
And we know, the hospital staff were working to their limits always to care everyone and it happened at a fraction of a second when they’re all busy with others.
This side of my family had a strong female present, which I mean, we have 3 women from that generation, which produced 7 women. I am one of the seven.
When I got to the hopital with my mom and other aunt, the eldest aunt was on the breathing aid preparing for her departure.
She was a strong woman, very cautious and had her sense of humor though never smiled when her photo was taken.
As we’re remembering the eldest aunt’s funny moments while she was lying on her bed with the breathing aid, the young doctor who resuscitated her came and surprised by our way of letting her go.
We were sad, but we were also embracing the moments by sharing the memories about her.
She had a strong body but very cautious. Maybe too much. So we wanted to comfort her that we’re there and it was okay whatever it was.
The young doctor who was observing us was amazed by the wits.
My eldest aunt completed her final preparation 3 days later, allowing the youngest counsin to visit her and send her farewell.
Last week was her memorial. We would rather make it like that than the traditional funeral.
On the way back to Tokyo where I live now in a bullet train with my mom, who would get off before me, said that she really appreciated the final few days with her sister and everyone else who made there.
My eldest aunt left at the height of the cherry blossom season.
She always looked forward to the season.
Well, we will always remember her when we see the pink flowers blooming here and there.
My aunt had never married. So, she asked my eldest cousin to step in sorting her finance and other daily matters when she decided to move to a care home.
She cleared her own stuff herself and didn’t leave much to sort out when she was gone.
It was impressive.
And as her elder brother and her younger sisters were also aging, we the nieces helped our parents to move things forward after the passing.
I had to tell my mom few things that I never had to say.
Such as, when would be the last moment with her, what to do with her bones after cremation etc.
I spent two Friday nights with her at business hotels.
I wanted to make sure that she felt enough information and time to say goodbye and select what her late sister would have liked her to do after the passing.
It was a big change when she called me at work and saying that she had to go to the hospital.
I naturally asked her “So, what should I do?” because my mom was a leader in the family, had her voice always in the midst of emergency.
But she said “I don’t know! You sort out your stuff yourself. I’m going to see her anyway!”
Of course. Later my youngest aunt told me the same thing. Apparently she asked my mom the same thing; “So what should I do?”
The overall experience of the past few weeks made me realise yet again, how much time I have with my mom.
Or with anyone for that matter. We always thought the eldest uncle would leave first.
This side of my family never fought for anything at funerals.
Yet this time, we could send her off with so much love and laughter.
I definitely felt our own evolution in the experience.
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